Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Men Serve Women who Lead, and Benefit from it

Men, by instinct, follow women. The incredible sexuality of men and drive to pursue sex is a mental fascination with the feminine aspect of a woman, and a drive to please her in order to gain her attention and approval, to be able to influence and please her the same way she naturally, without trying, influences and pleases them. This is the phenomenon that makes the world go around, that drives men to pursue women, and that motivates women to pick the most pleasing men for their lovers out of those following them around.

Men and women are equal in intelligence and in ability, but their emotional and psychological needs and strengths are quite different.

Men seem to need ego deflation and structured guidance through discipline to be happy and at peace with themselves.

The most satisfied and contented men I have ever met are the ones who have put their abilities to work in service to others in the community, and in particular in service to a woman or women in general. They seem to equate the altruism of this serviceability with ‘selflessness’, although they still take care of themselves; but the difference is they consider what other people think and want more than they would when not in ‘service’ mode, and they consider others to be either as important or more important than themselves. Their discipline of ego by thinking of others first benefits themselves in many ways, one being increasing their discipline regarding care for their own health and grooming. Their feeling of usefulness increases and their self-esteem seems to increase as they see themselves as beneficial to others.

Men I have known, as well as those I have read about, claim they thrive on discipline and structure, needing firm or stern direction from someone to deflate their ego and train them to develop a sense of respect for others. Men often seem to gain a sense of group identity or belonging from structure and discipline that women would perceive as harsh and unaffectionate, such as athletic coaching or military submission training.

Women are the best at teaching men the benefits and wisdom of respect for others, empathy, and the quality of life gained from taking vicarious pleasure in other people’s benefit even while suffering from self-sacrifice. Women achieve these things naturally, as they have experienced the benefits of these from the psychological transformation of giving birth to children and the drive to protect them at all costs, or they have been socially conditioned to practice these social behaviors with others by women who have experienced motherhood.

But it is only when women are not afraid to acknowledge and embrace their social influence over men and the intimidating responsibility of giving direction and structure to another human being that women can apply their abilities to helping men gain this epiphany while teaching men how to please them.

Men want to please women. Most times men say they are happy if the woman is happy, and they aren’t happy if she is not. Their happiness revolves around her approval. The best way for men to learn how to please women is for women to tell them specifically how, and discipline them with forewarned consequences in a structured and consistent way when they fall short of specific goals set for them. This gives men the direction and practice in attaining for themselves the inner experiences of group identity and altruism that their nobler selves are looking for, and enables them to make themselves more useful, and valuable, to the women they love.

Men benefit from the discipline and structure of serving another person’s needs and wants before their own, by their own admission. Yes, there are the men in denial of this, but they don’t look or sound too happy as they shoot their mouths off, going to great lengths to insult women and trying repeatedly to provoke them. Methinks they doth protest too much. They resist the work of the self discipline that serving women’s interests requires, even though it’s what their sex drive drives them to do, but they still want/lust for the attention from women, so they resort to trying to provoke negative attention from them. It’s the lazy person’s way out. The results are short-term and inefficient with their energies, as pleasing one woman would keep her around them and attentive to them from an accumulative effect, while pissing off a bunch of women necessitates a repeat of the offensive actions to continue to generate negative attention. Again, the problem of shortsighted, instant-gratification thinking.

20 comments:

obedient_jim said...

This blog is absolutely true and is dead-on for me. I feel completely lost without Female Leadership and have been totally contented only a few times during my life. Obviously, it has been quite rare when I have reported to a Female Superior (Boss) at work, but when I have my work life has been great. Reporting to a male makes my skin crawl.

I even had to "manufacture" a Boss for a couple years during a unique work relationship. My technician, the woman who on paper reported to me, was quite dominant and she was a terrific leader. It did not take long for us to reverse roles as she led the Systems team while I became her right-hand man. After a couple years, we literally had the associates at work believing that she was the Administrator and I reported to her. This relationship worked very well -- too much detail to get into and I am straying from the topic somewhat -- but unfortunately it ended in 2006.

As you stated, I perform best with structured guidance and clear instructions. Women seem to deliver these much better. There is also no mistaking the tone either.

For several years when I lived in California, I volunteered and was the secretary for a local NOW Chapter. These were some powerful women and that 2-3 year service was probably the best "job" of my life. During those years I was also a volunteer rape crisis counselor and took all my directions from women of course.

In my personal life I am most happy when I am not really given choices by a female. By that I mean, I am basically told to do something and expected to do it, rather than asking me for a bunch of options. I prefer having decisions made for me.

I have an equestrian friend who writes e-mail messages or calls me and she makes things very CLEAR for me -- there are never any "?" in her verbals or messages; she just makes statements and gives me directions. This gives me a great feeling and an overwhelming desire to please. I also put her needs above mine, especially since I don't feel I have the choice. In other words, I don't want to disappoint her... ever.

Finally, I am troubled. At age 51, I am coming into my last decade or two of work and I am not happy what I am doing now. I need to be in female-dominated environment that is something service-related; beauty, clothing – whatever it is where the end product or services benefit Women somehow. Truly, I do not need any power at this point; the only power that I need is what I derive from being a Woman’s assistant. I’m not sure where I find a job like this where I live, but I hope that will be my last and greatest career move.


Thank You,


- Jim

Anonymous said...

I became very obedient to my Wife after she started demanding I wear a CB-3000 male chastity device full time. I thought she was joking and playing a game the first time she told me she was adding another week to my release date. I laughed and she added two more.
After I spent six weeks my desire was so high I was jumpng to do anthing for her.
I never questioned her again about keeping me locked up as she calls it.
Could you please talk about male chastity as its becoming more and more common?

Blanche Black said...

Nice to hear from you.

Although I usually date men who do not consider themselves "submissive" but rather as chivalrous and worshipful towards women, I have personally witnessed men's positive response to orgasm denial as an actual psychological phenomenon. I consider female enforced male chastity to be a variation of orgasm denial.

Contrary to cultural assumptions, the more often a man is denied orgasm by a woman using whatever method she prefers, the more cooperative and devoted to the woman he seems to become. I say more often because I have only seen this work where the woman does eventually allow him release on her terms. Not to deny the success of other kinds of arrangements.

This is seen in the male tendency to work harder for the approval of women who either are not interested in them or refuse to sleep with them. It seems to be a natural male response to dependency on a woman for sexual gratification, not just something limited to Femdom relationships. Their sexual gratification seems connected to their emotional gratification, and their time investment in a goal connected to their emotional vulnerability.

Although most of these men eventually lose interest if they never win the reward of such a woman's affection, however small. Reward escalation along with challenge escalation seems to keep them engaged and focused so they maintain top performance.

I like to write articles on specific practices only when they contribute to a broader topic that I've been reading on. So for now, this is all I have to say on the matter.

Anonymous said...

I also do agree 100% with this blog. I am a man but love to serve a strong woman. I think DOMESTIC SERVITUDE MUST BE A WAY OF LIFE FOR MEN. Men must do ALL housework so that women can enjoy their life and womanhood. Men are born to serve like a slave...

obedient_jim said...

That is great if you want complete domestic servitude and I cannot argue with your opinions, Anonymous. I often feel that way myself.

But where on earth do we find such relationships? I'm not exactly looking for slavery, but female leadership is desired yet I cannot find someone who embraces that! Just mention once that you like a female "Leader" type and I believe most women instantly think you're some kind of wimp.

I like a bold, brave woman ~ maybe someone a little aggressive and bossy who makes the first move and then perpetuates the relationship as a good decision-maker and leader, a "take-charge" type. Yes, I enjoy independent, domineering women the best... Humor, laughter, and fun are the priorities, though. Before anyone jumps on me and says, “Well here you are, saying what YOU want…” please keep in mind that these are merely lifestyle preferences, just as if someone states he prefers a life of domestic servitude.

Is it true that women are the leaders in relationships regardless of whether they are defined that way, or not? It seems so, as I did take "The Psychology of Women" in college but you'd never get anyone to agree with that in public.

Also, what about the theory and actuality of "bad boys" and how much women love those who misbehave, are unpredictable, and disobedient?

Which male is the female going to be more attracted to: the obedient, submissive, servile male or the "bad boy" who beats her over the head with a club and drags her home by her hair?

It is a legitimate question. You'd be surprised at what the dialogue reveals on singles' board talks. I hope that I have not strayed off the main topic.


Respectfully,


- Jim

Blanche Black said...

Jim,

These are good questions and ones I have dealt with myself. Realize, though, that among the women who tolerate male cheats and bullies there are different life situations.

For example, there are many women who stay in abusive relationships, who got into those relationships when the man seemed normal. Then by the time the abuse escalates to an obvious degree, they do not leave for reasons of financial safety for their children or themselves. This is why financial independence is imperative for women's freedom of expression.

The more mysterious situation is when women pursue and tolerate men who are offensive and hurtful towards them and stay with them of their own free will, choosing them over the 'good guy'. But one thing I notice about women is that they love power instinctively. They seek it, and that can take two forms:

They can seek it directly by gaining positions of social leadership or political/financial (or sexual) leadership, but in our culture this is rarely encouraged in a substantial way.

They can also seek it indirectly, by vicariously experiencing power through a man who already has it, in which case they have to claim and own him. (Perhaps this is why people buy pit-bulls). A variation on this is when a woman finds an unruly man and then sees it as a sign of her power to change his will from hating women to loving them. This woman uses the troublemaking guy as her power gauge. Unfortunately, her continued wrestling with such a man for dominance only teaches him to continue provoking her.

I believe the indirect path to power is the path taken by women who deny their instinctual desire for it, out of shame over this gender taboo. I rarely see these women happy or empowered by their methods later on down the line.

That's why I have this blog -to relay methods of empowerment that other women have found to actually work long-term. Only a man who is open to a woman's influence can reflect a woman's power to change him. And her power over defiant men is to deny them her influence altogether.

Patrick said...

Blanche,

Finding your blog has been a godsend for me. For the first time I understand my inner need to serve a strong woman.

It has been something that has haunted me for several years and because I didn't understand it, could rationalize it, I refused to act on it.

My only model of what my feelings mean came from Femdom (which is fine but in itself is no better than loveless sex) or the female supremacy model which I found degrading. Because I couldn't explain how either of these approaches explain my need to serve in a way that validated my worth as a man, I've always felt ashamed of it. I thought I must be weak or some kind of freak.

This article articulated my own needs far better than I ever could have. It has been an epiphany!
The way you described a man's need for guidance to deflate his ego touched my soul and spoke directly to me. That is the explanation I have been seeking for years.

The weight is lifted off my shoulders, the pressure valve has been released and all the resistance I felt towards serving a dominant female, is gone. I feel very liberated. Thank you!

Blanche Black said...

Patrick,

I am so happy to hear that. There are women out there who want a man who has discovered his instinctively noble masculinity, a masculinity that is truly responsive to womanhood, and who follows it rather than looking to other men to find a contrived one.

Patrick said...

I had to come back and read this post again because I just got a big kick in the teeth from the macho vanilla world and I needed some grounding.

Browsing a popular vanilla dating forum, which shall remain nameless, the topic of submissive men came up and boy, did the macho male insecurities start to fly. Words like "wimp" and "unmasculine" were running rampant. Apparently, according to one member, masculinity is about dominating. One man asserted that dominant women are even disgusted with these guys, hence the punishment!

It came as no shock that the women were right in on the act as well. One woman stated that the only thing she might want to do with such a man is "beat some masculinity into him".

A few of the comments from men were more friendly but more along the macho lines of how great it would be to have a dominant woman perform certain acts on them, as long as it gets him an orgasm.

Granted, female led relationships are not necessarily about Femdom, but the idea of a man receiving discipline from a woman, humbling himself in her presence or learning from her would be met with equal hostility, I'm sure.

I was very disheartened, to say the least. We've got a very long way to go in this society. Men and Women's views of masculinity are rooted deep in patriarchy where he with the biggest phallus rules all.

Your blog is a torch in the darkness Ms. Christina.

Blanche Black said...

Patrick,

So, what content in this article sways you to conclude otherwise, and how are you using it to decipher their dialog?

-Ms. Christina

Patrick said...

I'm sorry Ms. Christina, I should have been more explicit about the connections I made implicitly to this article.

First, there is the questioning of a man's masculinity because he accepts punishment from a woman. Nobody bothered to reflect on why he would go along with something that is, on the surface, debasing to himself. It is just immediately assumed that he is a pathetic wimp. They fail to realize, as you pointed out, that men are routinely subjected to harsh physical punishment in all male institutions such as sports teams and military. Of course, these men are considered the pinnacle of masculinity. Heaven forbid that a man may submit, for his own betterment, to the discipline of a woman.

Nor do they understand the concept of ego deflation in learning to be less self centered. Femdom play, to me is a ritual which should teach both parties something about themselves, not an end in itself. Again, nobody bothered to do any research to understand this strange practice before presuming the male submissive less of a man.

I found a stunning correlation between some men in the forum and the type of man you speak about who shoots his mouth off, insulting women, not recognizing the benefit of serving another person's needs before his own.

Seeing only the exterior of a male in submission to a woman and automatically assuming that this is an abomination to masculinity, both the men and women went on denigrating submissive men.

It just showed me how far mainstream society really is from accepting this kind of relationship. So, I came back to read this article because it is one that struck me deeply. It helped me understand my own needs as a submissive and the value of being led by a woman which obviously, the general public is far from grasping. In the face of pressure from mainstream society, without resources such as this blog, I would probably repress my own feelings and needs.

-Patrick

Blanche Black said...

Patrick,

Well, do realize that women like myself have endured the same deceptive environment yet risked social exclusion from both men and women, and even our own physical safety, to re-analyze and counter these gender stereotypes, without any prompting or support from mentors or books. These women usually define themselves as Feminists, and they rarely find each other for support until years after they have already come "out of the closet" about their Female personhood and been on the receiving end of some degree of hate-crime for it.

In other words, stop whining and do something about it. Stand up -publicly, not just for yourself, but for the women who bust their ass to stand against the grain and take the majority of the flack for it.

The errors in the thinking of mainstreamers are so endless that when confronting them it is actually more time efficient to just shame them by presenting the solution. That's what I'm putting forth in these articles- the tools you can use to think and speak confidently about yourself and your gender identity, which includes expressing your perception of women's gender identity. Example speaks louder than words to everyone involved.

-Ms. Christina

Patrick said...

Thank you for putting things in a better perspective, Ms. Christina. Sometimes when I am in an emotionally charged state, I just vent and this isn't the place for it.

I know, women, in their fight for equality, have faced much worse conditions than what currently exists for dominant women or submissive men. I'm sorry if I came across with a "poor me" attitude.

Although I speak from my viewpoint as a man, I agree that I have to express my perception of women's gender identity as well. The attacks on submissive men that I've encountered are also, by implication, attacks on assertive and dominant women. I find it interesting that the most scathing comments come from women.

I am still in my own closet regarding my view of masculinity and femininity. Maybe that's because I can still enjoy the rewards and privilege of being a "normal" man. I know it is not the same fight that you and other women have faced but I am realizing the truth in the statement that it does require strength to be a proud submissive man. I am building that strength by arming myself with knowledge but in the meantime, there will be no more whining from me.

You are an inspiration to me.

-Patrick

william said...

I think men are far, far more submissive than they are willing to admit. You only have to look at the military to realise just how easy it is to train men into total obedience. The military can train a soldier to risk their lives, like coming out of trenches to face machine gun fire, when ordered to do so by an officer.

Off course the military call this 'iron discipline' but you can also call it total submission to authority.

QueenBeesDrone said...

Hi, I know this post is a couple years old, but I couldn't help commenting on it. I'm an engineer, and even though it's a traditionally male dominated field, I've often had the opportunity to work for women, and I enjoy it greatly.

I think that women in this profession tend to be natural leaders, and I find it very easy and natural to follow.

I've worked at my current employer for 15 years, and I have a senior position within the engineering group. I have worked occasionally with a slightly older redhead for most of that time. We're friendly, and I've had the opportunity to serve her on a number of committees and and other efforts. I know she enjoys having me work for her, as well.

Even though our levels in the organization are equal, I cede control to her in all situations.

She was recently pressed into service to replace the project manager on a large project where I'm the lead engineer, and I was thrilled. Project management is not her forte, and it's a big project using technologies that she's not familiar with. I'm very much looking forward to helping her succeed in this difficult situation. I find that I'm greatly motivated by the thought that I might be valuable to her, and I truly want please her and help her in any way I can.

She's always very pleasant and professional with me, and there's never been anything sexual between us, although she's quite attractive. I think that her age (early 50s) gives her a natural authority, too.

I've noticed that she uses subtle cues to praise me, and to reinforce our relationship. I try very hard to earn her praise, but there's always room for improvement. A couple of times recently, I've disagreed with her when it wasn't really necessary, just because I wanted to have my way. I regretted it afterwards, and I hope to do better in the future.

I know it sounds like I'm completely obsessed with her, but I'm really not. It's just a very pleasant situation, where we know each other quite well, and have settled comfortably into our roles.

Blanche Black said...

QueenBeesDrone,

I enjoyed hearing about your personal experience with a woman in leadership. The dynamics between women and the men who admire them are quite beautiful, and I have seen them operate outside of sexual scenarios often. They are mysteriously pervasive in female-male interaction.

-Blanche Black

Em said...

Hello everyone.

I'm a female who stumbled across this blog. I can't begin to describe how happy I am to find men who are so comfortable in their masculinity that they are not threatened by powerful wimmin!

I think a lot of our society's ills could be improved if more men were happier with themselves as men: there wouldn't be as much mean macho "manliness" for one.

Here's hoping I can find sweet man like those here!

:)

Anonymous said...

I am surprised that I am only just now discovering this blog. I am a huge fan of the Addison's Around Her Finger Updates blog (and site of same name). Many of the same topics are covered, but the blog is tightly moderated so that it remains a safe-landing zone of sorts for men that want to introduce the concept of loving female authority to their wives. It is amazing how powerful this tendancy is in the men that feel compelled to pursue this dynamic in their relationships.

renjith said...

am from india .. and i can reallyy relate to a lot of the comments ..
even i work better at workplace wen am reporting to a womna or a set of women ..
in my previous work place i was reporting to 2 younger women .. one of hem 23 yrs ANU AND ANOTHER 26 RINI .. AM 31 YRS OLD AND am more qualified and exeperienced than them ..
but i love reporting to them .
they are always in control .
very much in control .
they have even made me ccry n weep for not doing the work properly .
especially rini maam .
She is very dominant by nature and enjoys dominating men .
she makes me do all my work and even her work too .
as a gift for being soo obidient she some times flashes her brassiere straps to me which she knows am crazy about ..
"i worship u rini maam" .
i worship u cos u made me cry n weep .. i worship all the women in this world .

Anonymous said...

No doubt that women are smarter and harder-working than men. They are not usually selfish like men and they do enjoy helping others. I would like to find a dominant woman to serve and please. A woman that will train me in the proper way to behave around her. A woman that will help me reach my full potential as a man.