Sunday, July 27, 2008

Getting the Respect You Want

Recruiting the assistance of men in this culture often proves to be a disappointing experience, so it is logical that many women avoid doing so unless absolutely necessary. Whether a woman is agreeing to allow a man to show her a good time, letting a male partner know she wants an errand or household chore accomplished for her, or even doing business with a serviceman, the low standards for men in this culture usually result in them being less than generous materially and energetically.

The responses men offer to women who express what they want might contain elements of cooperativeness and respect, such as a one word acknowledgement that they still retain their hearing, or even a partial show of interest in the woman’s request while they exhibit preoccupation with something else, but it is often followed by joking excuses for their lack of follow-through on those requests, or mere procrastination for completing the task using unsolicited comments on the woman’s sex appeal, as if she cared to know what their sexual mood was.

This kind of teasing is a mixture of flirting with “the blow off”, which is a way men avoid working on behalf of a woman while trying to disguise their laziness and apathy with cursory flattery, and even that pertaining to their own selfish preoccupation with a woman’s sensual stimulation for them. It is a form of disrespect.

Rather than wasting their energy explaining how disappointing men’s apathy is, a woman often gracefully tolerates a man’s irrelevant sexual comments and leaves him in the dark as to how to gain her genuine interest in him.

This, of course, is justice for him, but not enough justice for her, for there are men who would eagerly compete with such a man for her interests, and that can be used to satisfy her wants and discipline the disrespectful man by rubbing his nose in it. Often, it is not until a man feels he is losing out on the opportunity to get a woman’s attention that he is motivated to treat her the way she wants.

A woman reveals her standards for tolerating male company by making specific requests of them and verbally, as well as sensually, expressing her happiness or disappointment with the responses men exhibit. She is guaranteed to get a man’s attention when she tells them how their behavior changes her perceptions of them, like letting them know that their joking in response to her concerns is their “failing to convince” her that she “can take (them) and (their) skills seriously”; or that their request for her time without the hospitality to offer service to her, like buying her dinner or entertaining her, is really them “not showing sincere interest in” her.

Likewise, she is guaranteed a man’s attention when she avoids a disappointing experience with him to get what she wants from someone other than him. His competitiveness for female attention causes him to take an avid interest in what is attracting hers. That’s why it is in a woman’s best interest to always admit what her interests are and to give her attention to them as well as to the men who contribute to her achievement of them.

So, when a man disregards a woman’s request for his service, or her concerns for a prompt response, or her interests in being shown respect and offered things she enjoys, he loses his opportunity to gain more attention from her. He defaults. At that point, getting what she wants is as simple as by-passing him to find another man who will respond to her request for service with the treatment she likes. When she disregards men who disregard her and lets them see her reward her attention to the man who respected her interests by showing his solid interest in them, she allows other men to regret their delay towards her and gives them motivation to change.

After a few repetitions of this experience, most men reach a state of willingness to exit their comfort zone to regain the woman’s interest in them, often displayed as a plea to let them do something for her at her convenience and a claim that they “don’t want to lose” her. Of course they don’t. Up to this point she’s offered them more than they’ve ever offered her, mostly because of her female character and at least because of her sensual appeal for them. They have a lot to gain from being in her presence.

It is at this point that they are ready to follow and that she can begin to take the lead and tighten her rules for rewards and denial with strict enforcement. She can choose to give them another chance at achieving her desires, or not, but the important thing is that she doesn’t suffer for their lack of readiness and that they learn to respect her for it.